Dads as .... SAHD!!!

What?

To be honest, I thought I was a pretty open-minded person.  I spent six years working as the Director of College Diversity at King’s College and I thought I heard everything (You might be  surprised what’s going on in the lives of college students, lol)! But, in class on Friday, our focus was on gender diversity.  One specific topic was one that I wasn’t sure how I felt and I couldn’t shake the topic after walking out of class – Stay-at-Home Dads (SAHD) and Husbands (SAHH). 

The topic was so engaging that I engaged in a 3-day Facebook discussion with my friends and 44 comments later, I think I heard several different sides of the topic.  For the most part, my friends felt it was up to the couple to decide but there were a few that were concerned about SAHH and wondered what he actually did with his time.  For me, I grew up in a household with a Stay-at-Home Mom (SAHM) until I was in the fifth grade.

So What?

My childhood was special because of how engaged my mom was – she was our personal homework tutor, nurse, cook, homemaker; and was active in the community serving as PTA President, member of Right to Life–you name it she did it.  However, I am still left wondering if a SAHD can provide the same experience. 

Libby Gill, author of Stay-at-Home Dads: The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family, writes “two and a half million men in the U.S. are full-time stay-at-home dads” and this number continues to grow.  Wait – that’s only approximately 0.7% of the overall population. (based on –the U.S. pop. on U.S. Census pop clock).  Researchers David John Petroski and Paige P. Edley in their study Stay-at-Home Fathers: Masculinity, Family, Work and Gender Stereotypes provides a slightly more conservative estimate at 2 million.  They also point out SAHD are not attempting to replace the mother nor are they providing babysitting services.  Instead they argue that SAHD are “parenting” and they must design their own style while maintaining their own masculine identity.   

The assertion of not being the babysitter was echoed throughout The National At-Home Dad’s Network.  They are raising their voices and speaking out against SAHD discrimination in advertisement and The Census Bureau. 

On the other side is Robert B. Smith, who wrote Saving the 'Lost Boys' of Higher Education.  He claims the phenomenon of SAHD is something that raises questions about the future of males.  Citing data from the U.S. Census Department, he shows how women are now surpassing men in both bachelor and graduate degrees.  He worries women are finally giving into the Peter Pan syndrome that prohibits males from facing reality that they have to grow up and take responsibility. 

Now What?

So as a society is having SAHD a good or bad thing??  To be honest, this has to be a decision each individual family makes.  As well, a societal discussion needs to take place to address the underlying stereotypes and begin to see men as capable parents able to raise their children.  Perhaps the Model of an Interaction Focused on Fathering can be a great way to begin that discussion.